---
title: Being Nice To Others But Not To Loved Ones
date: 2025-10-29T00:00:00
author: Charlie M.
category: SIGNAL
---
So, I was making coffee this morning, right? The light was doing that thing, you know, where it kind of streams and makes everything look either mystical or just dusty? Anyway, while waiting for that gurgle of the coffee maker, I found myself thinking, why do I always have my game face on for strangers but then lose it when it comes to family? Like, holding doors open for people I don't know but slamming the door to my room when I'm pissed at my sister. Is it just me, or is this a thing?
I got curious and maybe did a quick Google search. Apparently, there's something called "emotional labor" where we're, like, managing other people's emotions or something? I think it was from some sociology paper? Anyway, it kind of made sense—like, we're all playing these roles—and there's this pressure, I guess, to be "nice" out there. But at home? It's not so much. Maybe it's because we don't have to try as hard?
Thinking about it, I remember deleting Instagram once because I was doom-scrolling, looking at other people's perfect brunches and whatnot. Probably that's part of it—this weird pressure not to mess up the social act. I don't know. But then with family, it's like, they have to love you, right? Even if you’re a jerk sometimes? Not that it’s right—I’m just saying it happens. Kind of like working out, where the first few reps feel okay, then you lose steam. The effort to be nice just seems to drop off when I'm home.
I think there was a study about how we're nicer to strangers because of some evolutionary thing? But I can't remember the specifics. Something about getting along with the tribe or maybe making allies. But then wouldn't it make sense to be nicer to those we're closest to? It’s so confusing—it’s not all logical, I guess?
Oh, I read somewhere that this expectation for kindness to loved ones might be higher because, well, they’re loved ones. The stakes are higher, maybe. Or lower? Ugh. I just remember this one time my friend said I should treat my family the way I treat new friends. But like, how sustainable is that? Can we really be ever-patient, ever-understanding always?
I’ve tried, sometimes, to be more mindful about it. Like, I’ve made lists and schedules—yeah, it sounds like one of those self-help things—but then I can’t keep up. It starts feeling forced. And back to square one. So, I don’t know, maybe it’s a balance, if that's even possible?
But like, do they know that I’m trying? That I'm aware of it? Or maybe they don’t care because they get it—like they do the same thing? It's this back-and-forth in my head that doesn't really resolve, like some kind of glitchy gif that keeps playing. Endlessly.
So, yeah. I guess I’m just here, sipping my coffee, trying to figure out why I’m often kinder to strangers than the people who know me best. But maybe it’s not something that gets solved, you know? Maybe it just... is.